The Art of Conversation

Lately I've seen a plethora of articles about "What Not To Say" and "Top Ten Topics To Avoid With X-Type of Person" and I have to say...I find them deplorable.

I'm sure mine is not the majority opinion otherwise there wouldn't be so darned many of them but I'm going to go out on a limb here anyway.

Many of these articles are attempting to "teach" the reader how to respond to certain people: an infertile mother, a grieving individual, someone overweight, someone of another race/creed/faith or a parent of a child with a particular condition.  And, I get it.  I do.  We need to teach each other how to be a little more sensitive and accepting of others.  But I do not feel like sending out a script for the masses is the answer.

The reason for that is intention.

I don't believe that people CHOOSE to upset someone else with their constant questions or unsolicited advice-they really are just trying to help.  When someone asks a woman in her mid-30s why she hasn't had a baby with her husband yet it is not so that the woman will run home crying or bury her head in her hands.  She is asking because it is a natural life progression and a casual interest in her situation.  She means no harm.

Yes, often we speak from places of ignorance.  I do not know the sorrows of tragically losing a spouse.  I do not know the triumphs and tribulations of a parent whose child is hindered developmentally.  But when in conversation, there is an opportunity for education.

While we may all wish that everyone spoke minding their P's and Q's on a constant basis...ick.  Nevermind.  I can't even fathom it.  SO vanilla.  It's just not going to happen.

People are people.  People are curious.  People are educated.  People are helpful and sometimes overly so.  But I truly believe the intent is all the same.  We mostly wish well to others and simply seek to celebrate together and to share burdens together.

That awkward conversation with the over-bearing 60 something who is trying to marry off her 35 year old co-worker on a constant basis?  It's a chance for education and conversation.  And in my view, the burden of education lies with the "victim," as these articles have labeled them.  Is this not the perfect chance to tell someone about your illness, your trouble conceiving, your child's ailment?  Or if you don't wish to speak of it, simply be forthcoming and say so, politely.

The art of conversation is not one of censorship but one of grace.

Take the opportunity to share your piece of the world with someone else and you will be surprised how much you take away from the experience.  You will have truly connected with someone, no matter how short the moment and you will, in some small way-have lessened your own burden by sharing it aloud with someone who cared.