Sunday, October 17, 2021

Focus.

My favorite tree has changed colors. And I didn’t notice. It’s a Japanese Maple that my husband thinks needs a dramatic haircut because her locks touch the ground but I can’t bring myself to shorten her beauty. It’s beauty. Their beauty. This tree should definitely not be held within the confines of dictionary gender. This tree transcends such mundane terminology. 

 

I didn’t notice the leaves had changed and I’m struck by that fact. Not only did I miss the big picture forest here, but I couldn’t even see this single tree – a tree whose beauty I am devoted to. My head was down. As the largest adornment near our walkway, it should have been unmissable. On the way to preschool class or grocery pick up or on grand adventures to medical supply companies….I walked right by. But I couldn’t see. 

 

A wayward glance through the window just now caught my eye and shook my core. When did this happen? I walked outside to take a picture and I stood there for a moment transfixed. And also to catch my breath. I came back inside and sat down and worked hard to slow my panic, the breath will come. Right now I must be patient and wait for it. It will come. 

 

My head was down. I’ve been trying to breathe. I’ve been trying to move. I’ve been trying to channel some calm and inner peace and battling with turmoil in my head and heart. I’m tired. I’ve been looking down. 

 

This is what I’ve missed. The passage of time, the growth of new seasons, the small joys in my own yard. Sometimes they are hard to see. Sometimes it hurts to look. 

 

Sometimes it hurts.