My Compass is Different Than Yours.

I'm really hard on myself.

If there was an award for being hard on yourself, I would win it. Over and over again.

While this constant self-reflection is part of what always keeps me striving for more - it is also what beats down my confidence, constantly.

It's not cool.

And it's not the kind of behavior that I want to model for Sam, ultimately.

As happens every January - I've been taking some time to reflect on this last year. What did I accomplish in 2019? What do I have to show for it?

My over-achieving tendencies report back that I have precious little really to count on my list of "accomplishments." It's pretty meager. No huge goals met that I can point to with tangible results. My progress forward over the last 12 months really feels very nebulous...did I do anything at all?

So I dug a little further...

And I remembered...

I'm still recovering from over-achieving.

Formerly, I believed so deeply that my Type A personality was my greatest strength. That to lead and forge ahead were at the center of my self-worth.

Being a DOER was a truly successful coping mechanism for me, very helpful. Ultimately, however, I was using this "busy-ness" to skim over the real work my soul needed to be healthy and whole.

Applying this new lens, I can see clearly how much I have accomplished recently.

It's been a complete about-face of my line of thinking. Some serious gut-checking led me down the path of my own enlightenment - that what I really desire is an inner peace, a lack of judgement both internally and externally, and the ability to truly process and feel all of my experiences wholeheartedly.

What I recognize most about this is that it's against the grain for most of society right now. The majority of the messaging I see is about maximization - how to fit the most in your days and DO ALL THE THINGS. It's just not my jam. Ultimately, I don't find this way of thinking fulfilling at all.

And hey, to each their own! It takes all of us to make the world go 'round and all of that...

All of this to say - it is not our job as humans to meet society's standards of "success." It's up to each of us to look deep into our core values, identify them, and to live a lifestyle which supports and exemplifies those.

My inner scan sounds like this: "what would the best version of myself do?"

In this way, I stick to my own moral compass and walk the path that feels truest to me. This simplifies decision-making and clarifies my path forward - especially useful in the toughest situations.

So 2020?

I'm coming for you.

With deep breaths and soft footsteps. LOL